My Veil/Hijaab is Not Your Business

My Veil/Hijaab is Not Your Business

Ever came across debates on why or why not to wear jeans, socks or may be shoes? The question might appear to hit the highest point of hilarity, but seriously, the discussion ad nauseam on ‘To wear or not to wear veil’, and what sort of reaction it reaps from different segments of society, has made it a dilemma worst than Hamlet’s and made me wonder what a strange set of species we are.

Honestly, is that a complex screaming out loud or an agenda to put up or fight off a certain image stereotype of oneself? Where the advocates of liberalism staunchly endorse the idea that what one chooses to wear is purely a matter of personal discretion, and any attempts to impute influence over one’s choice is but a brute breach of privacy, why then we see a spate of articles and blogs cashing in on discussions on repercussions or non-repercussions wearing a certain garment has, on one’s outlook.

Whether you call Niqab an assertion of patriarchy that needs to be fought against or a tool to exhibit modesty, the truth is, it is a still a ‘choice’ made by an individual that needs to be respected and so any commentary on it needs to be snubbed and returned with thanks.

Recently, the so-called modernists who decide to talk about women wearing hijab with subtle hints of speaking about a kind that has landed straight from the stone-age, or a bunch of alien forms who need to be‘humanized’, should know that picking them up as subjects of a discussion or analysis is precisely what is ‘de-humanizing’ them. Is it too novel a notion to understand? We all see how children behave the moment their mothers begin talking about them in public. It irritates and annoys them to strange extremes. And here, our women adhering to certain ideological principles, which you and I might not agree with, are made the center of discussions every now and then and on several public platforms.

It’s ironic still how the proponents of feminist rights use the very gender, only to earn popularity and fame for themselves. Yet, if it’s really hard to function without sensationalizing your content, try issues like, ‘why men should/should not wear Shalwar Kameez at work place?’, or perhaps, ‘Is it okay for men to roam about on streets in knickers?’ No? Why not? Because it may not bring half as much fun and views as debating and scrutinizing women’s choices of dressing would.

Talking about free choices, isn’t it too subjective an ideal to discuss? Rationally speaking, our choices are never really independent of socio-political elements around us. Why Pakistani women have almost abandoned shalwars for trousers, tights or capris? Is that a free choice? I don’t think so. I know if I don’t attire in a certain fashion, I’ll be slighted by the society as an old-line and conventional creature. And so if following a certain fashion influences the way people evaluate me as a person, can we then really call my wearing capris a free choice? If not, then one should not go on about criticizing people’s choices as no choice at all, only because in their opinion they are not free.

The discussion here is not whether wearing Niqab or veil is right or not, the question is, where the need to discuss it comes from in the first place? Who has given me the right to pick up someone’s dress choices and trialing them on a public platform or even glossing over it in any which way. It should be none of anyone’s business and one should instead mind one’s own. You can’t demand the right to live the way you want to and with respect, without granting the other the same.

Geo aur Jeenay Do!

Writer: Madeeha Ishtiaque

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Don’t Blame Mothers for Not Giving Sons

Don’t Blame Mothers for Not Giving Sons

Sadly, the birth of a girl is unwelcomed and far from being celebrated in our country. Ironic as it might seem to anyone with basic sensibilities, it’s only the same gender through which life holds possibility, and to those with twisted biases, it’s the women only who provide our patriarchal society the exalted gender- Men.

 
People take reckless measures to ensure it’s a son! To begin with, they use unsafe methods of abortion to get around the anti-abortion laws of Pakistan, after the figure out it’s a girl in the womb. If a mother’s child comes in danger with it, so be it! A girl should not be allowed in this world.

If, after all the precautions, it’s a baby girl, she calls for the wrath of the in-laws and the husband, who in turn, ruthlessly beat their women while making attempts to murder them for committing the inexcusable crime. While statistics are excessive to go into, let’s see a couple of cases of the similar nature. In Lahore, a woman was beaten to death by her husband for giving birth to a baby girl. In Khanewal, a man tried to kill his wife after ultrasound reports revealed that she was about to give birth to their third daughter.

If giving birth to a daughter is such a heinous crime, shouldn’t we at least know for sure who’s really responsible of committing it? Is it really the mothers?

I’m no doctor or scientist. In fact, my knowledge of science is limited to A level biology alone. But do we really need any rocket science for that? Even an O level student could answer this question with utmost authority.

Technically speaking, it takes an X and Y (XY) to make the revered sex-male. And while the X factor, women (XX) have only X chromosomes to contribute in any case, it’s the man (XY) whose contribution or non-contribution of Y chromosome that can end up to make a baby girl or a baby boy.

Which chromosome combines with which one, it’s God’s work, who’s planned for all lives to come in this world, if we really are desperate to play the blame game here and exact our anger on someone, then it has got to be the Man.

So folks, next time, when you feel the urge to beat someone or kill someone for that matter, hold the father by his collar, for he the century- veiled enemy is to be blamed for the gross wrong!

 
But since we live in a crazy society where women are blamed for rape, attempted for them, and responsible for men’s leering stares because they look desirable, it would still make sense if people find a way around science, to blame them for bringing a girl anyways.

The divine chanters of God’s will, mullahs, who kill their wives after the birth of the daughter forget all about the same “will” seeing a baby girl in the cradle, for this is a woman’s will. And even if so, then what’s so terribly wrong with it? Aren’t these men, mother-born or else?

I hope a day will come, even though perhaps we’ll have to wait a couple of centuries for that in our society, when women will not be held reprehensive for disgracing their families with a girl. Even though, I doubt that if women will ever be entitled to any respect from the society that sees only angels in men and witch in women, the least I expect it thousand of women who instead die redeeming for the unforgivable sin, can be saved at last.

Source: www.thenews.com.pk

Writer: Aqsa Sajjad

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9 Things Girls hear in Love Marriages only

9 Things Girls hear in Love Marriages only

Wallah, if you’re lucky enough to find true love in just one person after having rummaged half the world across and after scoring a few grey hair in your pony, don’t think it’s the end of the problem. Well, other than the case where you might want to be in more than just in a live-in relationship or a secret affair, and hoping to walk down the isle with the love of your life, expect an array of non-ending stumps and bumps down the road.

And who would make sure, you ride this roller-coaster? Parents- not the girl’s, Guy’s. Girl’s parents happen to be a much milder version of any potential problem on the roar; it’s usually the guy’s mother,- the eternal villain in the love triangle of Girl-Guy and Guy’s mother. Top it with cheese, if she happens to be the gharelo-jhagralo sort, she finds her enemy-radar shifted from her susralis to evergreen Dushman to be- her son’s girl.

And even after she has apparently given up her resolve to never let her son marry the one he loves, she just keeps on trying and trying and….But before you could even experience a brief respite, brace yourself to listen to the nine stereotype dialogues you and your dude would just have to hear.

1.      Uff..The girl swept my boy away:

Black Magic, Vodoo dolls or adabra cadabra- you’re the girl with a brewing cauldron and the broomstick! And in no time, you can officially become the trigger for another series of witch trials. Her son, her very innocent son, who she had brainwashed to like only her right from his childhood can only fall in love with a witch. How else could you explain him hankering after the girl and lavishing his attention, that are purely and supremely the mother’s! No way! Be ready if you see your man wearing a talisman on your next meet-up, and don’t be surprised- it’s to ward you off.

2.      I could get him way better girls than this one

And once it’s proven that it is biologically and psychologically possible that he has cut the umbilical chord to tie a nuptial knot, it worries the poor mother how this ugly-duckling be her son’s choice. “You’re so handsome and so smart, and for you I can get you the prettiest and youngest girls ever known to world, if you could only let go of this “shame-on-girlhood”. Yeah right, that sounds more pimpy than motherly. Trust me, she’ll see a monster in any potential lover you might ever have. And for the young part- either she thinks her boy’s still playing in his cradle or perhaps he’s a pervert and after high-school girls.

3.      My boy’s too pricy:

Any MBA from IBA or even from Allama Iqbal Open University has his “rate” way higher than what any middle-class girl could ever afford. Yeah- how much could he possibly bag in the free market? Cars, bungalows, loadsa money and not to forget the green jail card! (With his high-rates, he could only be bagged as a call boy, nothing more) Haha. Well, that’s why they say; guy’s mothers are usually excellent businesswomen. Who else could trade her son for material wealth and prosperity?

4.      Girl’s mother’s cleverer than a witch:

Yeah, this one is a hit formula. Despite the fact that she might herself be a full-blown b****, she fears a witch, middle name for the girl’s mother. The mother-daughter wicked duo that laid one fine trap for her son and would soon lure away whatever little’s left of him now,  and so needs to be exorcized so her and her son’s life to be purged of a curse forever. She’d make up things on her behalf, cry some fake tears and would lie incessantly just to prove how she has been disrespected and demeaned by the girl’s mother. Oh poor she, she’s as innocuous as a bat. Lol

 5.     She’s a girl with a head? How could she be the perfect bahu?:

In case a girl is more than just a declared playmate; a box of make up or a perky, pretty face, and has got brains and acumen in that usually otherwise vacant-skull, she’s in a big problem. Her every word would be twisted and perverse other way round, her educated opinion would be taken for disrespect and her frankness becomes her over-modernity. A perfect prospective bahu is a dumb, deaf and blind vessel, who doesn’t show any human colors until after the wedding night.

6.     My boy always take her side:

And when the guy tries to tell his mommy that his girl’s more than an average dumbster and that the girl’s mother does not come from a line of dark witches, she taps her head hard and cries how you always take the girl’s side now. A guy torn between a overly-demanding mother and a humiliated lover is simply a chewing gum that gets stretched until it breaks down.

7.      My Son has changed!:

The above is followed by a you-have-changed rant. Of course, he’s no longer a breast-fed, chuckling infant and has a girl he sees his future and present with, in his life. Only a stone wouldn’t change. But for every mood swing he has- a trigger for it would be herself only, the blame comes on the girl. She’s responsible for turning a toddler into beast; and must be cursed and puked upon.

 8.     Do whatever you want to, I’m dying soon anyway:

Ultimate blackmail and by the way it always works. A desperate mother is the best manipulator. She has manipulated her sons all her life and here’s the final stroke. Some would go to as much as a fake, pseudo illness, one in which she might will against her son’s marriage with the girl. If son needs his mother alive, he better be her puppy or else…

9.      You Guys will never be happy ever-after:

Oh no. In the end, if none of her pervert reasons and tactics work on the girl she’ll give her son the mother’s curse- the deadliest weapon against son. “ If a mother’s not happy with her son, he shall never prosper”. It’s more of an angry greek god speaking than a mother, her words reflect divine judgment and doom. Well the truth is, she’s one desperate woman, who’d go to whatever extent it takes to do the duo apart.

In the end, you can be sure; a son’s mother is another specie walking on the face of earth like a human. If sons can have Oedipus complex, their mothers have female version of it (don’t know how Freud missed a name for that). Especially for mothers in sub-continent, sons are more lovers than sons, and love marriage calls for a marathon between the same sexes that end up in the destruction of the other sex- Man!

Source: www.thenews.com.pk
Writer: Madeeha Ishtiaque

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It’s Cowardice, Not Confession - Madeeha Ishtiaque

Has Facebook turned into a church?

Our youth’s latest fling with “Confession Pages” appears to be contagious considering the number of such pages swamping up the social media space and how fast the idea has gathered popularity with all the ho-humness surrounding it.

Let’s hold back our disposition towards it for once and appreciate the ingenuity of the idea our youth has picked up to take out their pent up frustrations and to display their imaginative faculty at its best.  It’s no longer only celebrities who stand in a critical limelight for their actions, attire and relationships – now, confession pages have turned all those school/college going no-bodies into cyber-stars or else.

While it’s difficult to crown any individual for the remarkable inception, one can be sure it has crawled all the way from west into our youngsters who insist on following every fad-irrespective of its repercussions, in order to stand ‘there’. Not surprisingly, there’s a somewhat stiff competition between schools as to whose page has the spiciest content and therefore the highest popularity quotient.

Uncensored Content of the “Confession Pages”

Here’s a peek to what goes on on these confession pages:

Smoke-Gun Revealations:

 
The shock-value of these so-called confession pages might hit anyone hard and leave them wondering if there’s any constructive purpose to these clandestinely uploaded disclosures. Since all they intend to offer to their readers is a fair dose of sexists comments, grudge markers, misogynistic statements, love confessions and embarrassing secrets with a mask of anonymity of the sender. To add, they tend to feed our children on sensationalism and a school version of tabloid-journalism at such tender ages where even the slightest thing gone wrong could distort their personalities and leave them dealing with it for the rest of their lives.

Surely, these confession pages have come as a nightmare for parents. Gone are those days when they used to worry about school-ruffians ganging up on their children or a group of “mean girls” trying to intimidate their young ones. The new-age problem looming large on them is “cyber bullying” and the virtual impossibility that comes with it, of protecting their kids from it even at home.

 
Shocking Confessions or Cheap Entertainment:

 
Not just this, the smoke-gun revelations on these confession pages may have nothing to do with the reality and are made for the sole purpose of cheap entertainment as well as to gain larger public traction. The more atrocious the comment, the more attention it gains and so there’s a limited incentive for practicing any discretions or to show any ethical concerns in avoiding lewd and cruel content.

As a result, children are holding their tender egos on brims, and are scared how their appearance, dressing and actions could be magnify into a scandalous comment that could humiliate them, in front of the entire world.

Victims of Confession Pages:

“I feel I’d never be able to step out of my home or meet anyone for that matter. I don’t know how many people including my teachers, schoolmates and family would have seen those obscene remarks about me on my school confession page and what would they think of me. I just want to shut myself up in a box.” a 9th grader confided about her misery after having being bullied on the Facebook page.

Another A2 student commented, “Now, I’m officially obese since they made fun of my fat stomach c on facebook. And it is as if it’s a news. All my mates are openly laughing pointing finger at me as if I’m the clown. I just hate going to school now.”

Naturally, the ramifications of cyber bullying even out-weighs that done physically. It has successfully managed to devastate our youth’s self-esteem and has brought out their cruel and ruthless streak to the fore.

Rubina Feroz, clinical psychologist and chairman of Psychology department at the University of Karachi expressed her views, “The cyber-bullied child could be severely traumatized by being humiliated in front of the world and especially his mates, and would exhibit grave anxiety symptoms that may range from withdrawal from his social circle to anything that is not the part of his identity. It may be for the parents and teachers to figure out their behavioral change and help cope up with it. However, there’s no definite way of dealing with it and the cope-up mechanism could include a combo of several measures and therapies.”

How to Deal with Bullying in the name of Confessions:

Where a common consensus is there’s possibly no stopping to these spawning pages however, since it safely falls under the category of hate speech, cyber bullying, spam and pornography, facebook authorities could be informed about it and the page could be reported ‘Abuse’. However, since it’s always possible to create a new page with a new name, its virulent ability to replicate and making comebacks may leave this measure virtually ineffectual.

 
Report Abuse:

 
Also, reporting these pages abuse would only deal with one aspect of the problem and what is needed for this to be shunned goes back to addressing the issue at core. For that, children need to be educated in their classes and at home about the repercussions of what might appear to be simply fun. And what emotional blow this bullying may lead their fellows into.

Support Groups for Victims:

Another less popular idea in our context is of support groups to help those who have suffered bullying of any sort and especially cyber-bullying. It would be particularly effective especially in letting them know they’re not alone in their agony and don’t need to shun their social life.

Hire Psychologists at Schools:

Although a trend followed by only a few elitist ones, each one needs to have trained psychologists to conduct seminars and individual counseling on emotional wellbeing, dealing with bullying and trauma management to not only enlighten students about the issue at heart but to also minimize the damage if it’s done. so the survivors don’t feel alone in their agony and restrain themselves from taking any disastrous steps.

Strict Code of Punishment:

There need to be well-defined and strict code of punishments to the operatives behind these pages so the activity could be discouraged. Teachers, principals and students counselor should keep reinstating school’s policy on every platform regarding such actions to warn some pranksters who may attempt it despite all.

Community Building Tasks be made part of Curriculum:

 
Last but not the least; our youth needs not be confined to academics alone. It should be made compulsory for them to be part of community building tasks to help inculcate in them empathy instead of aggression and so they could evaluate their actions in the larger interest of the community than mere personal enjoyment.

Hence, the long-term solution of the issue lies in awareness, empathy and brute intolerance towards any act of cyber-bullying. For only, when there would be no viewership to such voyeuristic reality shows, there would be no need to report these pages abuse for they’d die their own death.

Writer: Madeeha Ishtiaque
Source: www.thenews.com.pk

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